Testing oneself

Specifically, myself

I’m entering a submission grappling tournament on Sunday. It’s the first time I’ve competed since 2010, and I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing. Sometimes, it works out okay:

First tourney, first match.

First tourney, first match.

Other times, not so much:

Being helped up after my second match. This guy used my nose as a fulcrum for an Americana Arm-lock. The sound it made was so horrible, the guy and the ref thought her tore all the ligaments in my left arm...

Being helped up after my second match. This guy used my nose as a fulcrum for an Americana Arm-lock. The sound it made was so horrible, the guy and the ref thought he tore all the ligaments in my left arm…

Anyhow, I know going into this that I don’t train more than a couple times a week at the most. And that’s probably not optimal for competition. I watched this video the other day, and realized I’m more of an “progress oriented” person rather than a “tap oriented” person.

Part of the reason I could never be a fighter, despite my love of jujitsu, is that I lack that fire. That hyper competitiveness. Every now and then I get that motivation in class, and become a nightmare for whomever happens to be working with me at the time. 98% of the time, I’m okay getting tapped. I frequently put myself in terrible positions if only to work my way out of them.

So in three days, I need to change my whole perspective on rolling, if only for a few hours. I am not getting on those mats to get better. I am as good as I’m going to be on that day, at that time… On those mats, I am going to roll my heart out, test my skills, and see what exactly I’m made of…

Wish me luck.

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